JayCab - Proud

Proud
JayCab
I was only 10 years old
And trying to get away from the pain already
Dad had stress from the day already
Working all night tryna keep us steady
Never hit my mother cuz he had me as the outlet
Crying at her feet ma can you kick him out yet
Have a heart for me
When you leave for the day it gets hard for me
He was raised by a man who would beat his mother
What she felt was love meant suffer
She never left him, didn't find no other even when he drank and nights got tougher
Was it loyalty or was it fear
What made her reappear
What kept her so near
All I know is I could not see clear
From the nights of tears and the fights I'd fear
Looking for mom I can't see her
Working but I want her near
When I told her I'm suicidal she stood back in denial
My cut wrists but never a fuck to give, nobody listened
I need you now
These walls don't talk to stood my witness
Act calm I fear you won't get it
Closure to myself tryna give it
Never works, I'm right here just living this lie
You wonder why is it
That I plotted to
Kill myself hoping y'all knew the truth
Why else did I learn how to tie a noose
Proud is the only thing that I wanted you
One time for the kid who felt stuck
Two times for the kids who don't run
Three times for the kids who find sun
From the world of darkness they come
Four times for the ones who been hurting
Five for the long search of our purpose
And we give all 10 if you know this life is worth it
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
But it ain't about me and it ain't about them
If you left right now, you never win
Gotta make you proud, gotta make you proud
Gotta make you
Gotta make you
I'm watching the years go by
Insecurity's eating me alive
I don't even wanna go outside
I don't talk too much I hide
Felt handcuffs a few times
Held knives down through my spine
Felt heart break countless times
Cuz I loved those who ain't right
And I knew it in the back of my mind
They're gonna be my death
Do I really amount to find happiness
Cuz dad's got a mistress
Now he ain't at home could he miss us
I heard mom cry and I listened
Til he came back like I'm different
And now their love is distance
I know it's love their missing
They say just be persistent
I feel their time is slipping
We eat them quiet dinners
I guess we have our limit
Being numb helps to admit it
Used to pray it was all fictitious
I'm lost in my existence
I lie to those tryna listen I wish it was different
I wish I was stronger
Maybe then I keep it all together when nobody looking
Or conjure the confidence
And alter my feeling of fault in it
But that's life and their ain't no alternate
And it keep on going ain't no halt to it
From an infant I feel like the cause of it cuz me being right here never solved a bit
And everything I do right now
Comes back to when I was a kid
The feeling I could not get was accomplishment
Sad that I still long for it
Had to vent so I cooked up a song to give
Anybody going through it I know this shit
When you give your all and none notice it
But hold on baby it ain't over yet
One time for the kid who felt stuck
Two times for the kids who don't run
Three times for the kids who find sun
From the world of darkness they come
Four times for the ones who been hurting
Five for the long search of our purpose
And we give all 10 if you know this life is worth it
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
Y'all make me proud
But it ain't about me and it ain't about them
If you left right now, you never win
Gotta make you proud, gotta make you proud
Gotta make you
Gotta make you
But it ain't about me and it ain't about them
If you left right now, you never win
Gotta make you proud, gotta make you proud
Gotta make you
Gotta make you

Written by:
Jason Cabrera

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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