Candler - Ceiling of Stars

Man I can't stop staring at this ceiling full of stars
So far from my vision in the dark this soliloquy of scars
Man I can't stop staring is so hard, eliminate the pictures in my heart
Man it's ripping me apart
Why I can't stop asking what's the problem
Can't figure out why these things I can't solve but
Still consistently I'm wishing I could stop em
Transfixed upon these images so harmful, man these images so harmful
Yet so marvelous as I saw them stars but
They're hardly are stars at all
No they're false bodies, were carved so sloppily
Like a lobotomy
This LED cartilage, it just looks so odd to me
On my ceiling casting shadows on my walls you see
The ghosts of dead memories and mnemonic things
These things that are hard to see, they are so hard to believe.
Autology is not for me no I am not socrates
These things I ponder late at night
What is wrong vs what is right, what I've done earlier in life
What poor decisions I wish weren't mine
If I could take back all the lies
If I could get back all the time
These things I write inside my mind
This is why, I can't stand stand to see them line my ceiling
As I lie and wait for change but never seem to find the meaning
I can't see it, because the stars appear more genuine when I'm dreaming
Than in real life when I see them in my bedroom in the evening
That's why I sleep but
These days I seem to get the two confused
The more I snooze, the more I lose, the time I wish I had to use
The time I wish I had for you, Man I been so bad to you
Cause in the black of night, I'm stuck on sad instead of asking you
What do I have to do? I just want to keep moving forward
But I feel as though I'm more of a bishop upon the board
Diagonally passing all my problems nothing will conform
Till I finally confront what's making me so insecure
Man I can't stop staring at this ceiling full of stars
So far from my vision in the dark this soliloquy of scars
Man I can't stop staring is so hard, eliminate the pictures in my heart
Man it's ripping me apart
Why I can't stop asking what's the problem
Can't figure out why these things I can't solve but
Still consistently I'm wishing I could stop em
Transfixed upon these images so harmful, it's so wrong cause I just
But I just can't stop it, I keep running, I keep screaming
I keep falling, I keep stumbling, my knees bleeding
I need options, I need options, but I won't turn around
So I just lay and drown in what all of these stars had me think about
So I just keep tossing, I keep turning, I can't sleep
Hard to stay positive, without purpose, I can't speak
Man I need solace, I need solace, but I won't turn around
So I just lay and drown in what all of these stars had me think about
These things that I think about,
Gotta stop these thoughts inside my head now
These things that I think about
Just gotta stop these thoughts
Having arguments with myself screaming into the back of my pillow
But no one speaks back at me except for the voice that's in my mental
Thoughts of things in the past that to others seemed so simple
But to me they were the things that keep me up at night these issues
These things I live through that I just can't seem to articulate
I can't concentrate in conversations they always falsify my statements
I'll erase em like words on a page of all the refrains that I've created
And then put them out to the world and hope they're taken in without complacent faces
Talking to the same three friends About the same three things
I cannot pretend That I don't want this ending
Cause nothing's been happening, I wish I could do something
But as I lay in bed, man I just feel so weak
My life has no depth right now, It's all been feeling 2D
Cause I know I'm alive but am I really living
I mean am I really living, cause because between my life and dreams
Well I can't tell the difference
Looking at these stars it makes me wonder bout remembrance
If my name'll be put in sentences even after my life has ended
If it still fits the description if there's any resemblance
Or if they'll just be pretending they still remember my image
Cause will I fade away or will my death paint a greater picture
Will I only be seen once I'm gone like Nipsey or Mac Miller
Will my death be more defining than the life I'm living
Cause all the stars I see died billions of years before I see them
And I can't breathe, why can't I breathe
I need some air, oh god oh please
My lungs will squeeze, right in and out
I can't believe, this is the end
I need some sleep, Please make it end
I need some dreams, I cannot stand
Reality, man it's making me suffocate within these sheets
And I'm so sick of lying, wish that I could end this cycle
Night and day been busy fighting, life's been nothing more than lifeless
Life had lied inside my iris, yeah mines a lie I can't deny it
This the lie that I require, I'm so sorry really I just
Can't stop it
I just can't stop it
And I just can't stop it
I just can't stop it
I just I can't stop all the lonely nights that I wish would end
Can't stop all the thoughts of fault oh man it's sickening
I can't stop thinking what I want I'll never face it
So when I fall asleep I hope my dreams will fill that space in

Written by:
Jackson Carrington

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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