Enkay 47 - Dad

Ya know
When I was a kid, I sat up in my room at night
I used to fantasize about you
Wondered what you're like
I wonder if we could've played catch
Or ride a bike
Can't believe I used to tell myself that we're alike

It's scary to me that your blood is running through my veins
If I could, I'd go to my kitchen and grab a blade
Then run that shit over my arm until it fills the page
I don't give a fuck if it hurts
I'm not a stranger to pain

You left before I was born
I bet you had to get some cigarettes
And went off to the store
I'm off to record
Is what I'll tell the love of my life
The Apple doesn't fall
Too far from the tree, am I right You're wrong

Yeah I know I seem like you
I know that we both breathe
And I bleed like you
But that doesn't fucking mean
That I'm gonna be like you
If we both died
You think imma scream like you?

I'm sorry that was aggressive
I've got some pent up aggression
It's gotten worse since confessions
I'm tryna turn my direction around
To learn some perspective

Instead I turned to depressants
I fucking learned to suppress it
I hate the way I feel
Yeah, I hate the way that I feel
I hate the way that I am
When true face is revealed
My entire life feels like I've been racing uphill
I think it started with you dad
I hate you for real

Yeah, I never gave you a call
I'm not good at conversation
So I'm making this song
So take the response or leave it
I don't care if it's wrong
I don't care if it hurts your feelings
Don't care that you're gone

The thing I care about
Is you abandoned your son
Tryna preserve your own happiness
So you went on the run
Just fucking for fun
When consequences came you were done
Not a call or a letter
I never heard from you once

So then somebody better than you
Decided to take your place
So fuck what you say
I know that everyone makes mistakes
But that don't mean I forgive you or nothing
I feel betrayed
Bet you never thought I'd grow up
And put your ass on display

But I get it though
Nah I promise I really do
See if I was in your shoes
Then I might've done it too
Because you got the news
When you were like 22
And I'm only 23
Damn, I would've been scared too

The difference is I would've stuck around
Man don't worry
I ain't bout to sucker punch a clown
I don't get no joy from that
I'm just not ready to talk
But when I am then I'm probably
Gonna give you a call
But for the mean time
I guess you can listen to this song
Admit to your wrongs

And maybe then we can have a conversation
But I'm not in a rush
Take your time
It's your son Nathan

Written by:
Nathan Kawaguchi

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid, Songtrust Ave

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