Candler - Wasted

A part of me just feels like
The past few months were wasted
To conversate with my younger self
I still feel wouldn't change this
If I could go back in time today
To say this and explain
It'd take longer than the time I wasted
In the first place man, it's egregious
But hey it's, fine
Cause maybe I could find some time
To say all of this now
Just let it spill outside of my mind
Cause I couldn't tell myself then
But perhaps this just might remind
Myself not to let go
Of everything I've ever liked
It'll be my checkpoint in time
My moral compass to guide
So many times I've relied on the lies
I tell myself every night
When my eyes lie staring blankly
At the sky of the back of my eyelids
Just me wishing sleep and dreams
Would take me away for a while
Cause am I living for my dreams
Or am I dreaming to live
If it's not the latter
I think I might just never forgive
Or ever even rest
Cause I just really can't stand
The thought of closing my eyes
Just to never open them up again
I'll be wrapped up in a cocoon
Secluded from all I've ever known
Just to remove myself
From all that isn't good outside my room
I'll get rid of my alarm
Cause the snooze didn't do much use
And I'll fall asleep once more
To a land that I have much abused
Cause in this cocoon
A change will start to occur
But a butterfly will never emerge
It'll be a change for the worst
My skin will flake and start to mesh
With my bedroom walls and my curtains
Til when I look in the mirror
I won't know that person anymore
I'll forget the identity
That doesn't exist behind my eyelids
Til' my name has changed
And I don't even know what wrong or right is
A nihilist contrived this
There'll be nothing left inside me
Besides the lifelessness and quiet
Of the never ending silence
My dreams will be my existence
They'll be the world that I exist in
But is it really existing
If it's figurative living
It's flavorless it's insipid
Wishes I wished were veridical
And I persist that they're not pretended
I tell myself this I wish I didn't
I wish I didn't
Have so much time that was wasted
I spent so much time in the matrix
1's and 0's counting time that I was waiting
Ages, In an endless staircase like frank was
Braindead, painless
Everything was nameless
The hate made its way to my brain
And it stained it
Trapped in the same place
Mind was chained to anchor
I'm so glad that I escaped it
All the time I wasted
Waiting
Cause nothing's more apparent in this song
Than the problems that I've been living with
Find synonyms
Look up on the web
What the definition of living is
Cause I'm pretty sure I'm not fulfilling it
I wish was I wish I did
I wish I didn't sit and swallow
The problems I've been dealing with
I can't shelter no more emotions
I won't, I refuse to let em
Make me less than I am supposed to be
I became something unknown to me
I was too hung up in a fictitious reality
That's a twisted roller coaster
Of everything I wanted mine to be
These rhymes may speak
And cry out from deep beneath
As I simultaneously scream and breath
I couldn't release the feelings
I'd bleed every single week
I needed sleep
But more that that I needed dreams
To take away the things
Seemingly killing me that I couldn't see
Cause dreams became my escape and addiction too
So I every I closed my eyes
I respectively closed my tomb
I was signing myself away to a place
I thought would help me improve
But none was true
So soon my room came only known to a few
In fact, only one person was on that list
It was the one who made it
And I rarely saw my room every day
So it's hardly strong information
I can't explain it
I was just in too deep
To swim back and scrape the pavement
I'd relate to nobody
Except for the people in my dreams I'd created
I was insane but
My addiction to dreams had me enslaved
I was prey of my own creation
Bait and the fish that waited
Cause when dreams would call
I would have no choice but to obey them
In the same way that the slave had obeyed the racist
I was wasted

Written by:
Jackson Carrington

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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