Guilt in Bloom - Oh, How You've Shuttered in The Brilliance of Dawn

I find it amazing
That I have to resort to this
To express myself
Putting pen to page
Just to preserve my mental health
You should have protected me
Instead you subjected me
To the kind of life a child shouldn't lead
To the kind of things I shouldn't have seen
It was always so hard to air out my grievances
When no one who "cared"
Ever cared to believe in them
I once confessed to you
The abuse I was subject to
You said I was making it up
Causing this feeling to develop
It killed me inside
So, I hid it for years
Buried in lies
Raised up by fear
A flower blooms in my chest
From the spot where it's buried
Sprouting a vine that burdens the weight I carry
And when I tried to turn it around
To uproot the source and cast this weed out
Dissenting words pour from your mouth
I feel so fucking betrayed
It feels as that you would never reciprocate (Reciprocate)
The love and respect you demanded from me
Mother's little boy forced to plant these seeds
They must all die
Before they can grow
Each seed of doubt
Tears away at my soul
This Garden of Grief
Grows in my stomach
I'm lost in this hurt
That I've begun to covet
And the sickest part of me
Has learned to love it
I live and breathe in this thicket of depression
Haunted by the loneliness
Of my neglection
And as this flower blooms
And its nectar comes to bear
You remind me again
That my actions are not fair
I'm constricted by these vines
And how they squeeze contritely
As anger accompanies my depression
Masking it so tightly
And though I realize
Mental illness makes me suffer
I still struggle with the fact
That I do not love my mother
My illness is not something that I'll just hide behind (Hide behind)
After watching you act so justified (Justified)
In excusing your actions as the world's worst mother (Worst mother)
Always blaming your illness and never trying to recover (Recover)
This garden of grief
Grows in my stomach
I'm lost in this hurt
That I've begun to covet
This garden of grief
Grows in my stomach (Grows in my stomach)
I'm lost in this hurt
That I've begun to covet
I won't let this cycle go on any longer
I refuse to let the garden that I grew up in
Be the cage that my children suffer
Just because you refused to be my mother

Written by:
Caleb Osgood, Dan Congdon, Jon Shackelton, Jordan Crook, Tom Towner

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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Guilt in Bloom

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