Andilé - Space Between

I mean I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood
And not making it like my whole life is revolving around some guy
But loving someone and being loved means so much to me
I always make fun of it and stuff
But isn't everything we're doing in life a way to be loved a little more

Yeah, I don't know, sometimes I dream about being a good father and a good husband
And sometimes it feels really close, but then other times it seems silly
Like it'd ruin my whole life
And it's not just a fear of commitment or that I'm incapable of caring or loving
Because I can
It's just that if I'm totally honest with myself
I think I'd rather die knowing that I was really good at something
That I had excelled in some way
Than that I'd just been in a nice caring relationship

I guess my mental is more fragile than I thought
I guess I'm pretty broken aren't we all
More or less we all pretend we're all good
Strength is just the mask that we adorn
Within my core there's a never ending war
So when I'm happy always waiting for the fall
When I grew up I relinquished my control
So I'm listening to my brain not my heart
My intuition hella muddy from the thoughts
And my memory hella cloudy from the smoke
I'm tryna reconnect with who I was
I'm tryna find him in the dark before he's gone
Wanna be the cm of my soul
I'm on the wing and I'm just waiting for the ball
But I got friends that cry when I cry that's what you call love
They remind me when I'm lost that the home is in us

I had worked for this older man
Once he told me that he had spent all his life thinking about his career and his work
He was 52 and it suddenly struck him that he had never really given anything of himself
His life was for no one and nothing
he was almost crying saying that
You know I believe if there was any kind of God
It wouldn't be in any of us, not you, me
But just this little space in between
If there's any kind of magic in this world
It must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something
I know it's almost impossible to succeed
But who cares really, the answer must be in the attempt

I tend to overthink and underwhelm myself a lot
Attempt to be vulnerable and then I wonder why
A loving heart is wonderful until it's sabotaged
I was never cynical until I fell apart
My problem was that I ever cared at all
If you can't feel then you can't get hurt
But if you close off then you can't feel love
I ain't felt anyway
I ain't missing much
If I'm honest
I've been struggling with my worth
Getting kinda hard to believe that I deserve
Anything at all let alone fucking love
Anytime you call I just wanna be left alone
But I'm scared of myself so I answer every call
Andi how you been I been focused on my art
Lust is ephemeral, immortal is my craft
Honest, this shit been kinda off
If I'm real, the shit feel kinda odd
Ain't had the sauce, ain't been feeling like a bard
Ain't felt myself I been feeling like a fraud
Ain't really know where the confidence is gone
Ain't really know where the confidence is gone
But it's okay cuz I got confidants galore
I got homies I got blunts and a lil bit of hope
And there's pain and there's light
And it all come and go
I'm young, this is life
And I got a lot to go
When I go
I pray I've done something at all
When I go, I pray it wasn't all for nought

Written by:
Andile Pelelani

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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