Ivor Biggun - The Filthy Farmer (a Song of the Soil)

Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and
Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck
I'm a filthy farmer and I don't give a.. fiddle-de-de
I've got a lovely set of bullocks and I'm up to me eyes in muck
So gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and
Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck

Jack my pig, he's ever so big, I feeds him caster oil
He burps and he farts and then he starts to fertilise the soil
Some folks say he is just like me, I think they must be mad
His eyes are smaller and I'm a bit taller and Jack doesn't smell quite so bad

Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and
Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck
I'm a filthy farmer and I don't give a.. fiddle-de-de
I've got a lovely set of bullocks and I'm up to me eyes in muck
So gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and
Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck

Parson Grey came 'round one day and he strolled into the dairy
Looked all about and pulling on a cow was my little milkmaid Mary
"You must be proud" said the parson out loud, "Of wonderful udders like those"
"How does she yeild?" I said "Twice on the field
And the cow's not bad either, I suppose"

Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey (gobble gobble)
Wanka goes the duck (wanka wanka)
I'm a filthy farmer and I don't give a fiddler's pluck
You should see my smallholding i'm up to me eyes in muck
So gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and
Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck

I've got a bull called Maurice but I think he's a bit like that
So I made a date for the artificial inseminator, the bull and the bowler hat
The fellow came down gave squirt all 'round and then he's on his way
The cows got the hump 'cause a bicycle pump ain't as good as the old fashioned way

'ere, look at all those heffers in the field over there

The vet gave m' sheep an aphrodisiac to make the ewes feel randy
It worked like a charm and the sheep went barmy and the poor old ram's gone bandy
I said to the missus what a fine thing this is, what can them tablets be
She said I don't know dear but come over here 'cause they tasted like cough-drops to me

Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and
Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck
I'm a filthy farmer and I don't give a.. fiddle-de-de
You should see my smallholding i'm up to me eyes in muck
So gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and
Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck
Gobble gobble gobble goes the turkey and
Wanka wanka wanka goes the duck

Written by:
IVOR BIGGUN

Publisher:
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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