JaoT - The Poem

Why do I need a bed when I can't sleep don't get no rest
Don't need no pillow for my head, can't count no sheep so kill'em dead
What's different about tonight is I got you here by my side
I lay down and close my eye, but anxiety is where I reside

All I want to know is how does everyone feel safe
The only safe I feel is crushing my chest
I take a pill I can't be saved
Don't need no cape 'cause on my back's a fucking ape
On my shoulder is an eight ball 'cause I'm nothing like y'all
I'm a turd so I'm expecting to get poo'ed on
I'm a bird on a handle excuse me if I ever flew off

Can't control my emotions this feeling ain't so remote
Can't get off of this island the irony it's a boat
I should get out of bed take some meds that'll clear my head
I'm hanging by a thread and wishing it was a rope

Whole body feel the pressure in a lead trench coat
Get upset with my girl keep checking she won't let it go
I'm upset that the world don't see what I won't even show
I'm upset with these pills for not pushing away the pain
Upset with my tears for not turning into the rain
I'm upset at this moment that these shades don't hide the crying
Upset with my homies like "why you niggas keep on dying?"
I'm upset that when I dream I relive the tragedies
Upset that no amount of praying ever brought me peace
Memories of every hand that was raise in aggression
Beat like my ancestors that was raised in oppression
They mind like the slaves really never learned a lesson
Prayed to the same god that sent the slave masters blessings
So used to the weight I almost crave massive pressure
Crater in a cemetery I'm in grave mass depression
Grave mass depression, I'm in grave mass depression

As I lay on my back in the drive
Ball of light fill the night skies
Body melted to the pavement
Pit of my stomach aching
And blurry to my weary eyes

Phone laying by my head
Hear my brother voice it said
Don't really know what to say
Hope you live through the day
Couldn't take to see you dead

It's hard to explain this feeling
When the cards that your life are dealing
Are really straight like a flush
But you can paint like a brush
Your brains over the ceiling

I'm just dairy on the shelf
Living past my expiration well
Should have be drank at eight
I'm past my printed date
I got that spoiled milk smell

Death sitting on my lap loaded
Debt not paid back I owed it
Thinking 'bout my friend and how he sculpted his end
Thoughts pushed out the back, loaded

How can a body feel pain from mental anguish
Some people understand don't gotta put it in language
When the air around you actually has weight
Gravity pulls on you more it's hard to stand straight

So I just lay

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