Goodbye Forever - pretty good, you?

Masturbating to put off crying
For ten minutes while I feel good-ish
Followed by uncontrollable sobbing
Or total detachment, numb while I am
Ignoring my feelings and staring at my tv
Repeating a mantra I'm doing much better
When I see my loved ones, pretending I'm happy
If I say it enough, maybe they'll all stop asking
But you did not deserve the way I was

I got so used to ignoring my feelings
Instead of handling my grief in a way that's healthy
Even though I acknowledged my problems
And stopped getting high all the time trying to solve them
I'm still not treating the underlying causes
They don't go away no matter how I ignore them
Feeling like I can't talk about it
Even when people ask and I know they're not bothered
I still have a hard time just being honest

I can see you open up
And I can get what I want
I know that you're vulnerable
You're weak to me, it's so fucked up

I'm sorry
The truth is I still hate myself
I regret it
For the choices I've made, including the good ones
And I won't make
Doing my best for a child that resents me
Excuses
Is this how my parents felt while they raised me
Though I was a
Nobody cares, I should just stop complaining
Different person
Do I hate my life or am I just unhappy
I'm ultimately responsible for my actions and decisions
Do I hate my life or am I just unhappy
I can't just blame mental illness
Do I hate my life or am I just unhappy
I just needed to express this
Do I hate my life or am I just unhappy
To recover, I'm defenseless
Do I hate my life or am I just unhappy
All the guilt that weighs me down
Do I hate my life or am I just unhappy
All the suffering I've caused and the people I've hurt
Do I hate my life or am I just unhappy
You did not deserve the way I was
Do I hate my life or am I just unhappy
I'm sorry

Written by:
Reilly Williamson

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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