Christian 21 - LOST

I'm on my own, I'm all alone
Here I go again
(Hey Karma)
19 years, 19 years of pain
Don't know where to go from here
I need to go maintain myself
Inflicted in agony, my family sees anxiety
Been hiding it for so long
Now it's all a part of me
Every day there's tragedy
My dad shows me the biggest things
They're all not just big things
Sometimes it's just the little things
The question is, who do I wanna be
I guess that's something for me to figure out
We'll see
I'm trying, consulting
Pray god, I'm not just hoping
Confronting all my demons
It feels like I'm always choking
What if I carry my pain for 19 years
Instead of blood-faced fronting
Never confronting, always divulging
Making excuses, stop your sulking
Where does pain come from
What is this evil
I've felt this for years
I can never speak
What do I believe in
Why am I here
I don't know
But I guess we'll see
(Hey Karma)
I don't wanna succumb to my pain
Living in the dark damn near every day
Struggling with love and life itself
Don't know if my mind and thoughts can refrain
I don't wanna do this again
They're always just asking me, can I explain
My brain is running like a train
Boiling blood, my life's in vain
You cannot subdue, you cannot contain
I'm nothing like you, the average J
I wanna be new, I wanna be different
I'm fucked up inside and nobody listens
I wanted to die but nobody would get in
Sorry, I almost just died off the med's
Stuck in an endless root of torment
Tryna figure out all that's inside my head
Sorry for judging
And always being controlling
Keeping your life in an endless root of pain
I've been divulging
This is the dark side, can't you see it
This seems familiar
I've been here before
I don't know what to do with myself
So I might just go out and please open the door
I'm trying, contemplating
My mind is always sculpting
And sculpting different scenarios
I don't know if I can control it
So when I reload, I cop out the gun
Blow out your brain and your life is over
I've heard that so many times now in my life
I don't wanna own it
I'm not saying all I hear is judgment
I'm not saying all I feel is pain
It's never okay to speak on emotionally
Cause at that point, throw your life away
Define success, what is your motive
Why do you wake up every day
What is forgiveness, what is love
I struggle with that damn near every day
I'm done with the pain, I'm done with love
I'm done with drugs, I'm done with the hugs
Give me a halo and I'll float above
Oh wait, this is wrong, huh, you thought
I'm done with the shit, I'm done with the lies
I'm done with the games, the wasted time
Constant torment I put on my mind
This is no crime, I'm still on my prime
Okay, the past two years, let's recap
Writing my own style, something that I never regret
Only being me, I don't care if you hate that
Tell me where the scenes at, I don't really need that
Used to be the kid that they would always pick last
I used to be the kid that they would always laugh at
They said i came a long way, happy that you see that
Now i wear the black vest, I'm the contestant (Woo!)

Written by:
Christian Pettigrew

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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