Pat Buckna - A Salesman Who Never Quit

One day before my shift at the fertilizer plant, I looked at my wife and I said
I hate this job. I hate the commute. It's the worst job I've ever had
She looked at me without blinking an eye. She said, you know what I think
If you hated that much, probably best if you quit

So I called up my boss on the telephone and I said, I won't be in today
And not tomorrow or next week or any other day
I hate the drive, I hate the work, sick of you telling me what to do
Want you to know I'm done, I quit

I put down the phone and I looked at my wife and said, OK, now what do we do
Well, let's sell the house, we'll head to the coast and we can start anew
You can play music and get a better job and everything will be okay
And that's just what we did, we were on our way

I got a job selling fiberglass for a man with a shady past
Every day he had a brand new scheme, I knew it couldn't last
I applied for a job, I took an aptitude test, I got called for an interview
Over 700 applied, said the man, and I'm choosing you

Got hired that day,I got a company car and a big expense account
I had to wear a tie, go out and buy a polyester leisure suit
My trunk was filled with product brochures and samples to give away
A list of clients and an order book and I was on my way

They sent me on a course so I could learn about what I was supposed to sell
Pesticides, insecticides, fungicides as well
They tried to convince me they did no harm, but I knew that wasn't true
Selling poisons was something I couldn't do

But I drove around from town to town in my leisure suit and tie
I visited clients but I didn't take any orders, said they'd be rolling in soon
This went on for nearly a year until one day I got a call
The regional manager was in town, wanted to meet

Well make sure you bring your order book, make it snappy and don't be late
I knew he wanted an explanation. I had to think of something to say
I drove to the meeting in my company car, didn't bother with the suit or tie
I knew my time was up, but I didn't care

Tell me why are there no orders? I tried to explain
How a crisis of conscience prevented me from making any sales
Then why the hell didn't you just quit? I knew he wouldn't understand
Then he told me to hand over the keys to the company car

I never told him how much I liked the car, the wages or the expense account
But how I despised that leisure suit and the poisons he wanted me to sell
Figure I'd done a mighty fine job until that day when I got caught
A pesticide salesman who didn't quit, but who wouldn't sell

Written by:
Patrick Buckna

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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