3D Na'tee - What's Crazy

Not much that I'm not tougher than
But stuck again
Mental health is suffering
Probably need prescriptions
But you know you can't discuss it when
You came up in the projects
Where we was taught to ride it out
And hide emotions
Before mama give us something to cry about
That's what we getting high about
Shxt happened in my house
My Pappy wasn't happy
He blew his phucking mind out
My grandma still lying 'bout
The cause of his passing
I guess she'd rather have a dead son
Than one that's a faggot
Still got some shxt I'ma unpackage
Should phucking spit in your casket
Just learn some shxt bout your passing
And it's hard forgiving you Daddy
They say men that grow up with a lot of mental abuse
Naturally pass it on
But that ain't no phucking excuse
My told me 'bout all the nights that you snuck in his room
Even at family gatherings
How phucking embarrassing
The moments I'm cherishing just ain't hitting the same
'Cause the love that you gave me
He wasn't getting the same
That's why I sip through the pain
Alcoholic just like you
Alcoholic just like your mama
This shxt is a cycle
She thought toxic masculinity would mask and act as remedies
How it affected me?
Shxt, I could rap like 10 of these
Your absence had me impressed with negus that was present
Phucking, looking for acceptance
Who want pxssy for affection?
Now my self-esteem in question
I inherited the shxt
Only therapists can switch
It get buried as a fix
It get buried with the kicks, with a whip, with a chain
With the gas, with the cash
We just burying the pain

Same narrative again
Black people so resilient
That's cause we got so accustomed
Never speaking on our feelings
Plus, boys don't cry
And girl, you too pretty to let tears come from your eyes
That's what we was taught
Shxt been going on since the days that we were bought
Still gotta work the field after your family ripped apart
Now we self-medicating these days
In the PJs
My bestie shooting up
Getting high and puking up
She crying out for help
And the fact I can't do enough
Turned me to an enabler
Hoping to get her stabler
All this built up aggression
Is bound to make me crazier
Too embarrassed to seek help
I can bear with it myself
Shxt

Organized religion got me tricking
Trying to keep the faith
Been here for 15 minutes
And they keep passing this phucking plate
Feel like I'ma suffocate
Praying to white Jesus
But I do it anyway
Can't bite the hand that might feed you
Indoctrinated
They taught us this when we first populated
If we was made in this image
His image looking like we not related
Now I'm praising something that looks nothing like me
That's how they planned the shxt
Keep you docile with promise of grander shit
Need help understanding all this shxt that I was trained to do
Wonder if my grandma met that man that she was praying to
Taught to never question
'Cause it's blasphemy
Gave us the Bible, took our land
That shxt is sad to me

So many voices in my head speaking casually
But bet nobody give a phuck until they bury me
And that's crazy
I ain't crazy
Shit, that's crazy
Everything I'm dealing with lately
That's enough to drive a bxtch crazy
That's crazy

Written by:
Samantha James

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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