The Prophet Obblonge - Bumbling Turkey Bone

I've been using the Truecaller app to handle my calls and texts for about four years now
It's one of those programs that is endearing, buggy, subject to crashes
My favorite peer-to-peer Frostwire is also included in this category
Every time, and I do mean every single time, it's updated, something is noticeably fixed

And something else is broken
I've been using peer-to-peer programs since the original Napster, have many fond memories
Of Kazaa, Morpheus, and LimeWire
I won't stop using Frostwire until it's abandoned and rendered obsolete

I'll even wear their logo t-shirts and paste their stickers on random car bumpers
It's an exciting event when it updates, immediately searching through the screens and menus
Seeking the functionality that says it's still there but isn't
Some people's watched sitcoms to pass their time, I'm told

Truecaller has the amusing habit of being a somewhat permanent record of text threads
Both conversationalists can edit and delete their phone's text messages all they want
And the next time that text thread is opened, they'll be downloaded in their original form
From Truecaller's servers and right back in their original places in line

It's been referred to as the Snitch app, as it has been used in court as evidence
The only way to delete SMS permanently is if the original speaker in the thread
Deletes the entire thread
Otherwise, it'll just keep resending at intervals

I've made use recently of E2PDF as well
It pairs nicely with Truecaller and Tuna
Also a courtroom-approved program, it converts entire text threads to, you guessed it, PDF files
My continuing epic saga, also updated at intervals on the Internet Archive

The Gospel of St. Patricia, was recorded this way
I have a four-year-long text thread on my fourth-generation Moto G
I am not willing to entertain the notion that it may be a partial cause
Of my third-party calling app's intermittence

As of tonight, it is at 791 pages, growing organically and digitally every day
Truecaller also has another habit that's entertaining
Crowdsourcing its ID information, which pops up and replaces whatever corrections a user
Has made on their device every time it updates

It usually reverts back to whatever the user's labels were after a bit of usage
Usually
More than 72% of the time
I have come to anticipate with smiling glee the new round of mysterious contacts

That may be hiding behind that icon when megabits are being added
I also enjoy typing questions with lots of adjectives and detail into the Amazonian search
Engine
I'm sitting alone on someone else's barely-too-small futon on a Saturday night if

Anyone else is lonely
So, I have been texting and calling the phone numbers that my missing fianc and best friend
Patricia Ann Roberts implored me to contact her on, day and night, for years
A few months ago, two were disconnected permanently after I managed to hear an

Extremely short, stressed, frightened few words from my love after the line went dead
Earlier that month, I had discovered that TommyTinyPenis's line had been changed in
Its response, the blocking of my number removed, and a RoboKiller screen installed
It immediately let me through, and I left eight voicemails

The next day, that one cancelled of service as well
That's how I had named his number in my TrueColor contacts list
TommyTinyPenis
There is another number I still am calling, a 313 landline, probably paid for by his

Company
Shortly after the cell lines were removed, I noticed briefly after an app update that
The contact header had changed
No longer was it Patty Landline, but Turkey Bone

Which only makes sense if one understands just how infantile and utterly void of useful
Knowledge Thomas Wayne Randle truly is
I imagine someone availed him, finally, to the fact that his number came up as
TommyTinyPenis in TrueColor, or something

So, in childish protest, he renamed the remaining number TurkeyBone
Probably meaning to say Turkey Neck, which would at least almost make sense if you were
Five and this was your first day of first grade
But no, instead he invokes an image of two children at the folding leg card table on

Thanksgiving, each holding a vaguely Y-shaped glossy and greasy object between them and
Their fingers
One sneezes and wipes its oozing nostrils, inadvertently snapping the thin, fragile
Wishbone

Even the largest turkeys have bones at max the circumference of a dime
I will refrain from making a pun using the word foul here
Sixty-three years old and an embarrassment to the species
I continue to pray to Patricia's God for her safety

Today is the last day to contact the lawyers concerning my parents' old property
I am still not sure when I'll be able to sell it or what it will entail
I am currently, as of Monday morning, of the mindset that I will start walking north soon
Leaving behind all my material possessions that don't fit into a backpack

About 1,500 miles
I walked twice that far, at least, last year, according to Sweatcoin
I am pushing friends away and pulling out of lives that are not my own
It is what feels right, what completes the puzzle

I knew when I agreed to Patty's proposition that no matter what, my pain would end, over
Soon enough
The crushing weight on and in my chest informs my opinion that something is wrong
Every footfall echoes closer

Written by:
Michael Mackenzie

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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