The Prophet Obblonge - Art My Ass

Inspiration, while certainly a state that can be practiced and multiplied, is by definition
Not a constant resource
Exterior influences are probably most often the cause for its temporary elusiveness
Stressors

Sometimes ideas simply run out
More research and development required
Not problematic
The path is a familiar one

Recharge, replenish, rebuild, enrich, nourish
Lyrics are proprietary and effective to varying degrees dependent upon the experiencer
When my ears report a marked lack of proficiency in front of FL Studio, there is still work
To be done

Within an hour, it's obvious that I am a genius clutching far too tightly to his trackball
Perspiration-stinging eyes, gritting teeth, locked in and oblivious to surroundings for
An average of six hours
Or not

If immersion in audio hasn't occurred by sixty minutes or less, then I have learned to stop
And shift to other activities
Something tangential necessary
There isn't enough time in a lifespan to gather and employ all possible information on any

Particular subject, and the interwebs allow the tracking down of useful morsels to fortify
Tutorials litter the digital landscape
Most often I will use this time to do something customarily never, ever done
Actually read the manual, some of which would resemble small city telephone books if printed

For some mysterious reason I unfailingly assume that the brand new, sophisticated piece
Of software I have just acquired is really just like every other program I've ever used
And I'll figure it out intuitively
For the record, this is the case only about half the time

Fruity Loops includes lifetime-free updates at every product grade, which happen continuously
This is not the norm in the industry
Digital audio workstations all do the same thing
Allow the exporting and creation of 16-bit CD-quality audio in higher resolution

At least 20 softwares off the top of my head can be named, the choice of which one will
Encourage the flow of ideas to become finished works is a personal one, uncountable ways
To arrive at the destination are possible
Some are now only available as subscriptions

Avid's Pro Tools will run the average user about $900 a year
Purchases are one-time purchases, and when the next upgraded version debuts a discount
For being a loyal customer will be offered
This is a highly competitive market, and this event happens regularly, no more than two

Years between products
If you want to play with the new toys, cough it up, and you do want to play with the toys
Every time
There has never been an update of any of these systems that wasn't the coolest thing ever

Imagined
I have the big all-plugins version of FL
It wasn't until last year that I upgraded to the last tier, and only then because it
Was offered at a sale rate even lower than it is usually for previous customers

The $300 version has everything one needs, especially if you already have third-party
Plugins as well
I have had a dedicated studio setup of some sort, including custom-built 4-way speakers
And a room with dimensions using the Golden Audio Ratio for 10 years prior to my new tenure

With an old modified laptop in a shed closet
I've been paid to record and produce tracks for others, although that was never the goal
What is inside must come out
When anyone asks my opinion on being an artist of any kind, I tell them that if they can

Do anything else, that is what they need to pursue
It's a fringe group composed of peoples who have sand in their nacre, most often noticeable
From across the restaurant
I understand it is possible to be someone who dreams of writing retail catalog descriptions

Exclusively
May I suggest that that person may be considered in a different category, one where a time-to-income
Ratio is the most important
Being a writer and composer of recorded sounds allows the thought clusters pervading obsessively

To be excised from the body
Art isn't finished until it's presented to at least one person, at which point every observer
Now owns it
It isn't the artist's job to explain their work, only to birth it

Some days ago I received a compliment on a deviation, explaining what they thought about
It in the process
It will never be to them what it was or is to me
I made something that can and has taken another person to a place or state they hadn't gone

Previously, and I'll do it again, guaranteed
A majority of my time and thoughts will inevitably be spent on the subjects
That I am obsessed with
Doing something else isn't an efficient usage of my life, so when an obstacle impedes the

Path temporarily, I make sure that it's temporary
Which brings us to ass
I use a lot of foley sounds, my favorite source being the A Sound Effect site
Here one can be treated to the tools of the movie industry, like collections of 3,000

Doors closing, antique typewriters, underwater recordings using exotic microphones, ambiances
Of binaural audio snapshots in every environment possible
Often I will play these last mentioned while writing
Tracks labeled French Bakery Lunchtime Near Register, Barbershop Boston, Savannah, Insects

Nighttime, Train Station Amsterdam, Hurricane from Indoors Florida
For $15 USD I purchased one of the most used items in my adult life, the 1000 Winds Project
By TheChrisAllen.com
One more than 999 individual pristine 24-bit fart recordings

Quoting the site, captured using an ultra-high resolution microphone with frequency response
Up to 30 kilohertz
The genius dedicated 9 months to this project, varying his diet for maximum variety
Yeah, there are other much smaller collections of flatulence available, but none so grandiose

In concept and execution
Every time you hear a fart in any video or audio presentation starting from about 15
Years ago until you die, it's actually the Chris Allens escaping ass gas you're hearing
Isn't that cool

You can turn to your date in the theater and say you know that guy
Film scoring professionals don't have the same objectives as music producers
I organize my samples according to a system I designed for quick access
But I have a good idea of what I like to hear, and one style doesn't change overnight

When scoring a film, it isn't about what your preference is, but actually what fits the scene
You can't just throw in your favorite fart because it's the one you play on the album
More than the others

And that's why The Chris Allens spent a couple hours a day for an additional 4 months finishing
His magnum opus
There isn't time to sit and audition individually every sound in the collection until the perfect
One is found

So every wave file isn't named Fart 1, Fart 2, Fart 3
They're long streams of pure poetry, formed by as many searchable keywords as possible
This is where the work transcends
Every individual fart is named with a string of at least 15 words, perfect for the podium

At the Rotarian Club, to be read aloud in a baritone voice with authority
Long, wet, juicy, airy, bubbly, squishy, yodeling, missile, poofy, oops, wallop, cheeser
Gurgler, froggy, beefy, reckless, ducky, mumbling, operatic, quacky, barking, sputter
How many different ways can you describe a fart using one language

When it becomes apparent that yes, I am a genius, but no, not today
I have a project that has only become more detailed and epic in scope with time
I don't know if I'll ever actually hit cut and print on it
It isn't really for show and tell

It's what I do to reclaim my composer's composure after the sounds result in stereo mud
If you can't at least crack a smile when looping ultra-high-res flatulence, each sample lovingly
Given its own channel, curated by exquisite taste and effects changed, then you need to
Get up and go talk to somebody

You're in trouble and you need help
Currently, the version I've assembled is under construction, just experimenting with several ideas
A loop of jazz cut from the soundtrack of 1968's Torture Garden, repeated many times

And crossfaded at every junction
Maybe a hundred to a hundred and fifty random picks from the list of a thousand, randomly
Ordered and merged into one playlist track
This is temporary

A final version would of course require careful placement and individual channels for proper
Location in the sound field
Underneath that, I've been throwing other samples collected
About twenty cats purring

Forty or fifty squishy mouth noises
The essential burp pack one
I've recently been excising moans from pre-porn clips and I have been attempting to fit them
Everywhere

Throwing non-pitched sounds with anything at all tonal quickly results in an unsatisfying mess
This has led me to start practicing with the Auto-Tune plugin, which has actually been
Around since the fifties, when it was invented by a television network weather reporter
And just like that, I've pushed my boundaries to someplace new, unfamiliar territory

With ImageLine's product updates being added as quickly as they are, at any given time
I probably don't know how to use 15% of the DAW I've worked with since it was actually
Called Fruity Loops, which grows to a larger number if I'm not at the workstation, whatever

And wherever it is, five days a week or more
A website has listed over 7,000 genres of music
How many can you name
Me neither

There is no way I'll ever have enough time to perfect a hundred, so my field is ever
Expanding and never becomes tired and rote
And so, it is demonstrated that events that expand assholes can also expand one's wisdom
And horizons

I promise, if it's ever finished even halfway, you'll be the first to know
The tentative track name is Hashtag Playful Fluffy Kittens

Written by:
Michael Mackenzie

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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