Chi TheRealist - The Closure

Lately been having doubts if I should try-even rap
Anymore
Cuz I can't afford to waste no time on these tracks
I try to be optimistic anxieties on the attack
I'm panicking approaching 30
And I'm tryna adapt
Feel stupid for dreaming lucid aint no proof in my path
Just hope
Could sell dope
I'll just end up in a trap
I'm starvin
Prolly think that that's a joke cuz I'm fat
Burried my grandma I'm still holding it back
I been developing new habits
Been fuckin up priorities
Like splurging on my girl because our future is important to me
Gotta be more careful make sure I don't love her more than me
Knowing I got some things to focus on that need maturity
Gotta learn more about mortgaging
Cuz I refuse to sell the only place that's ever been warm to me
When all it need is nourishing
I think it's less depression and more being broke is boring me
Yeah I struggle but I know that triumphs make you more a King
I fell out with some Princes over corny beef
Something bout some women unimportant to me
I used to love em
Now that love is torn to piece
I admit forgetting they exist is still a chore to me
So I imagine the bigger I get how hard it is ignoring me
I laugh at that
And then I celebrate and do the cabbage patch
Cuz I love me and that's a fact
I know I been great ever since Chaddrick drove that Chadillac
And anyone who can't see I'm amazing has some Cataracts
My brother finally home and he be telling me he needing me
And I get so intimidated
Cuz I'm not where I need to be
I'm not where I promised
I been having trouble feeding me
To keep it honest
I think people think it's easy being me
Be thinking I'm transparent
When it's impossible to see in me
Or at least that's what I think
Until a mirror shows the me in me
I know who my mirror is
A queen a goddess I can't wait to give her kids
And finally have the life that we was meant to live
The diamond in my vision
Yeah a Gemini
Someone who's has been disappointed plenty times
She deserves a mansion put the rent aside
Or atleast to have a life
When I aint gotta look at it as sacrifice if I wanna buy her tickets to Renaissance
I just want my momma back
Badder than black Americans that want Obama back
Badder than George W Bush wanted to bomb Iraq
Badder than I wished that it was me inside that bodybag
Badder than me wanting sleep as an insomniac
Speaking of insomniac
I turned imaging my bro sleep in that pontiac
Never know if one of ya G'z Sick
Til they mind is snapped
In a cage
My life's a Mortal Kombat
Where Johnny at
When life made death sweeter than surviving… I found power in being a ghost
(Not much far left)
I became the cocoon that the butterfly left
Could no longer hear the music to my ears
Though my life was a symphony of survival…
Every poem felt like writing a dead man's story
That story full of semicolons and commas… haven't gotten to a period yet, (Close)
My existence is run-on
Eternally grateful for Pax & Q
Gifted me their gift without taxing like Jackson Hewit
Just cause they believed my success
And in fact they knew it was coming when I had trouble imagining breaking through
The Roc here on my back feels like a boulder
eventually, here Ima need closure
I'm tired but I'm keeping my composure
My grandma ain't raise nothing but a solider
Just hope that in the end they remember me as the closer
TheRealist

Written by:
James Boykins

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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