Cardboardi B - The Box in the Mirror (feat. Odd Hal)

I'm just the box in the mirror
Staring back at the world
I don't know why shit is like this
Why there is so much hurt
I'm just the box in the mirror
Collecting dust on my shelf
Why do I feel so low?
I fucking hate myself

Why do I feel this burden all the time?
Like shit's too heavy on my back and my spine
The weight of the world doesn't suck dick like this
This shit's a pornstar sucking down all your piss
While you jizz, it's a medical marvel
Like spiderman not dying when hit by a trainful
Of People speeding down the tracks, no brake oh
Doc was an Oc, but he was really a snake so
You never know how hard the train is gonna hit
Just get your ass to work and jump in front of it
Work up the courage, every day of your life
It's like every day I have to restrain from giving up mine

I'm just the box in the mirror
Staring back at the world
I don't know why shit is like this
Why there is so much hurt
I'm just the box in the mirror
Collecting dust on my shelf
Why do I feel so low?
I fucking hate myself

Pop a pill like their candy, yes I'll take another Xanny
Life feels like when the toys give up Andy
Swallow down antidepressants with a cup full of brandy
Swirl it in my mouth like a toilet bowl of candy
One two three nah try taking down nine
All in the morning right at the same time
Then one four hours later, and four after that
One six hours in and end with a splash
From this ketamine spray that you were prescribed
To help with your depression, don't take and imbibe
Five sprays over the course of an hour
Take em all at once wake up numb in the shower
I tried to end it once, I tried to get out of hell
I wrote my notes to my folks, my brother and roommate as well
I lined up the bottles on bottles of pills I'd accrued
Looked up at the sky and said "Bye, my dude"
Seven sprays up the nose and my mind went away
And so did the pain as I melted into space
Colored lights shining down, I felt like a grilled cheese
I finally closed my eyes and fell asleep
Woke up to my friend calling to check in on me
I was doing better, but still feeling shitty
Then another friend called, I forgot I had those
We talked for an hour and my heart bloomed like a rose
I was going to be okay, I could get through the worst
'Til BPD knocked and walked me out of my door
In the hospital waiting room, I could barely stay awake
Hadn't taken my Adderall among other things
The ER didn't have some, they refused on others
Withdrawing was destined, I wanted it smothered
Woke up to my parents, yelled at them to leave
"Get out of my room and let me fucking grieve!"
I was shipped off to inpatient, where I stayed for a week
I tried to sleep through it all, to avoid reality
People were yelling, I was withdrawing cold turkey
But if I wasn't awake, then nothing could hurt me

I'm just the box in the mirror
Staring back at the world
I don't know why shit is like this
Why there is so much hurt
I'm just the box in the mirror
Collecting dust on my shelf
Why do I feel so low?
I fucking hate myself

I'm out now, I'm not saying I'm better
I'm still just as sad, and still just as bitter
Life doesn't change just cause you went to the hospital
I learned that the past eleven times or so
It never gets better, despite what they say
All the counselors and coordinators I've met on the way
Maybe it won't get better says my therapist
I'm angry inside, but I don't get pissed
I just swallow it down with more medications
Just enough to numb the situation
I don't think I'll ever be cured, I'll never have that
I just have to try to keep living... and that's that

Written by:
Shawn McNamara

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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