eL enigmA - Thoughts of an Enigma (Introvert)

I can't get stuck in the past
Cause that shit ain't healthy
I often get caught up in the
Memories that'll never help me
I try to focus on the now
And the person I've become
But deep down
I'm just a nigga from a place called Shelby
I remember Pyramid schemes with Grizzly sized dreams
And a Motel that showcased a man who had a dream
There was a white mansion that was labeled the pink palace
Wait… who the hell lived in the pink palace?
Yet I swear all these places changed me
Shoutout to the whole damn village who raised me
I wouldn't be where I am without y'all's love, that shit evident
RIP to the Franklin before I could count Benjamin
As a kid though I felt that there were more guns than roses
Kids smile in my mom face but at school they were posers
I look back and it was just kids being kids
But it felt like we were in an auction and I was the lowest bid
But all that sad shit is the reason that I speak Spanish
That shift wasn't easy but it probably saved my life
See, I could've kept myself isolated and lost my way
But instead my bond with my soccer team became stronger than a knife
See if you were a black kid growing up in Memphis City
Talking proper like white people would get you treated pretty shitty
When I think about those days, that picture ain't never pretty
Thank God for the ones who decided to keep standing with me
I was in a hurricane of emotions that I couldn't process
People saw me moving at mach 9 but inside I was mach-less
I was of thinking that I would never find my own
Spanish-speaking nigga was as much of an identity as legs going topless
So I went to college thinking I could just start over
I hoped that this time that I could just be me
But I guess to be free is not luxury you see
Because I still felt the need to fill roles instead of letting them fill me
I was a black Memphis boy ignorant of the world
Trying to be new instead of classic, real instead of plastic
Before I even knew what things were problematic
Back then I didn't even know why Trayvon was so tragic
But through it all I had my people always down for me
My brothers from different places always made sure that I was true to me
Honestly I don't give a fuck about blood
But I swear that I couldn't have done all of this without my family
Mom and Dad made sure that we felt we had it all
Big bro made sure I knew how to get up when I would fall
Big sis made sure that I knew how to build credit
Lil sis told me she was my ride or die and never to forget it
Grandma being extra made me feel like a king
Whenever I was down she'd bring me up with her words
Grandad and his wisdom taught me how to be a king
He made sure I understood why the early bird gets the worm
The diamonds and scars
I never knew how they would change me
But in a way they pulled me from the madness
Them niggas saved me
But yet and still I couldn't pay em back what I owe
So instead of trying to, I just had to let 'em go
All the women in my past got kids now, It's crazy
Not in a bad way but when I see that shit, It change me
We growing up, My niggas and I out here starting families,
Buying cars, buying houses, getting masters, having babies
Becoming doctors, chefs, vets, and engineers,
Some of us didn't like our shit so we changing up careers
I love to see the progress and how we push through our downs
Even though sometimes we'd rather just be 6 feet underground
Medicine's my life now, I'm defined by a stethoscope
Everywhere I go I'll be attached, That shit my epitope
Folks calling me with questions about they skin
And I tell 'em Im in my 3rd year and just 6 months in
I've been learning a lot in school, but it's hella stressful
I constantly question if I am doing all I can
To become so small in my own mind
Even though I tell others test scores don't define who I am
I'm finding cracks in my life,
Chapped up they need some lotion
Drowning in the sorrow
Can't breathe I'm in an ocean
Of my own thoughts
I need some magic, give me a potion
No time to sit still
No emotion…. Just motion
To the haters I think you talk too much
can't stand you trashin' us
Close your mouth, oh you can't
Torus Palatinus
The things you say don't mean nothing in my opinion
Talk about something real like how our world needs healin'
Or as I sit here in a beach in a resort in Cabo
My wife and I are the only black people, I raise a brow yo
But we just chilling out here
My wife, she my rock
She keep me grounded,
She always be in my thoughts
First thing I think about when I wake up
Last face I see when I fall sleep
I tell her this every chance I get
But she everything that the heavens knew that I'd need
And that's real

Written by:
Daniel Rose

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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