Wanting & Bearing - Six Forty-Eight

I've never been one to spend money on the fast lane products
With all the ads popping out of the wrappers promising internal happiness if you use them
But here I am, with no options left
I'm hoping I can find it in these soda cans and sour patch kids

Because I can remember a time when I was just doing fine
And these snacks made my entire life
I wasn't soaking in this water that I'm in today
I didn't have all these internal voices shouting at me
I just had older adults and kids tell me what to do, and boss me around
But now, I wish I can hear those sounds
Cause even if they were just shouts, they were coming from someone else

(And I have forgotten what that feels like)

But today, I tried
I tried to remember all those voices that gave me a smile
And so, I threw on The Killers, and I turned my speakers loud
But Miss Atomic Bomb came on
And I thought of you and your destructive ways
And how you always told me that "everything will never be okay"
And so I listened to you, I always did, until I moved
I moved far away, because I thought I'd be okay
And I wanted you to know that I found a place to grow
That I cultivated love, and I made it my home
That I'll finally be happy, because now I was with her
Until the miles increased, and she decided to leave

(Just like you)

And what else could go wrong?
Every person is gone
I used to have you, now all I have is this song
My head's open now, so it's probably best address
"How can you be so selfish leaving me like this?"
I repeated that question to you, but only in my head
Cause I knew that there was no selfish thing about you
I was just a fuck up
I constantly talked about myself and my day
And when it was your turn, I would force myself to sleep
I was so shitty, and darling, you still stayed
But I guess that one day, it was just too much
And I want you to know that I took your advice
And went out for lunch with a girl from my job
And I thought she was great
But after one date, she relayed that all my reading had been done in vain
I was too late and I was never gonna change

And then I came to you
What gives you the right to try and justify you calling me selfish after just one time?
I swear I finally found someone here that would be my ear
But after that night had become 6:4, you claimed I was unfair
And fuck, how could you not understand
That I was trying to be a better man
And I'm just confused cause I told you on multiple occasions
That I had been reading books
And I had been learning to cook
That I had been lifting weights
And sharing my own space with people and their stories
So how can you condemn without your ballpoint pen writing down all the places I've been
To try to get out of this position I'm in
But I guess I'll apologize for getting lost in the moment
And I'll apologize for handing out one-sided conversations
It's just been a while since I've had any at all

And yet, with all these things that are off of my chest
I still have one left that burns more than the rest
And along if I could rewrite this song
I would go through my contact list and curse every name on it
Cause it diminishes with each year that passes by
But I'll hold my head up high cause I know I'll be fine
And if you say your honest, then please reply

Do you still care if I'm alive?

Written by:
Mystikal Casares

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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