Ex Wife - The Lodger

And then I said Yes, like the fool that I am; a fool knows a fool but no fool is a man

You'd only been on the project for 3 days, a BA, start of a six-month contract
Everyone liked you, everyone laughed at your jokes
You cycled 12 miles into work every day without fail, come rain or shine
But you never smelt, never smelt, used the company showers like they were your own
So at ease, already looked like you owned the place, and boy, you saw me coming
So eager to please, like a big flabby labrador with his tongue hanging out

The landlord's kicking me out, you said, at the end of the month
He's selling the flat, I've got nowhere to live
You didn't even need to askI've got a spare room, you could stay at mine, the wife wouldn't mind
Can I? That's so kind
I'm happy to pay rent - are you sure your wife won't mind?
No, she'll be fine, it'll be good to have another man around the house
The room's just going to waste, she'll be happy to see the back of my old magazines
Do you need a hand, a hand moving in?

And the day came. And I did
It was a furnished flat
The Avensis has over 16 hundred litres of boot capacity with the seats folded down
And it still took two full loads
What sort of man needs that's much stuff? You're only 34
And when you walked in the door, with a smile on your face, and the dog came
And sat on your feet like you were the alpha male
Pleased to meet you Mrs C, you've got a lovely place
Russ, you're a lucky man
Now put your feet up, let me make you both a nice cup of tea

And with that, you quietly slid your wispy blond-haired feet under the table
Nothing's too much trouble, helping round the house
Always remembered when to put the bins out and sort the recycling
We've got a dishwasher, life's too short
Nut you still found yourself a job washing and drying the pans and our best glasses
Used our over bath shower every day, but never when we needed it, and it was always so clean
Never made a noise, never had a girl round, never rolled in drunk
As good as gold, she'd say
But no one's that perfect, there's always a catch
You slipped the lock on my life, casually stepped inside and just helped yourself

Always remembering to leave the toilet seat down
Helping the wife with her jigsaw, even the bits of sand or sea or sky
She called you 'our secret weapon' at the local quiz every Thursday
Why would anyone know that a hecatompedon is a building measuring precisely 100 feet by 100 feet?
Acting like knowing pointless facts is a sign of intelligence
But it didn't stop there, did it?
Pretty soon you were doing things in the garden, my wife's pride and joy
Trimming her lawn, turning the soil, it had never looked so good
Spending whole days on your hands and knees together
The shared purpose in making something beautiful
Taking joy in your exertions, I couldn't bear to look
You come back in with your long green fingers and smears on your neck
As if nothing's happened, and I just had to swallow it

But this is the meat of the issue
You make me feel like a lodger in my own home
A fool knows a fool and no fool is a man

Written by:
Billy Barry, Jim Bentley, Steve Meat

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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