Filanthropy - GOODBYE, FOR NOW

A commonality among the pages
That I sit and write upon
Are the quill and ink and hand
I use to write them in my bed
When there's no where else to go
No one that will listen
No one that won't laugh it off
And tell me to stop tripping
I get suspicious
When people care for me
Because every single time
Without a break
They walk right up
And introduce themselves
We talk a bit
I get to learn about them
Then eventually they all get bored of me
And take a step back
But I'm okay with it
This how I choose to live
If they don't want you
When you're lowered
Don't give time of day
When you have made it
Never really had an issue
With wanting
A lot of
Fame
I just want a better life for my future kids
Not saying that I had a bad childhood
No problems with immediate
Just had a lot on my plate
I fought so hard to make it out
Outside my head perspective wise
Just to take a look at myself
And the life that I've lived
Then I realized that there is something
More than just attention
Blocking real life emotion
With side projects that mean nothing
Wanna give the people something
That they can just listen to
When they are down
Something that could give peace of mind
When they feel all alone
Inside my head remains a war zone
But I know that at the end I'll be okay
Sometimes I'm not okay
I lose myself in all the haze
Like 7 days a week I smile wide
In the public eye
But 7 nights a week I cry
From all my past mistakes and severed mind
It's a daily battle that I fight
I know you've got it in you
Somewhere hat deep
I know I do not wanna die
I just want some damn peace of mind
Eradicate the selfish thoughts
I want to give the crowd some hope
But the blinding darkness that I live in
Makes it hard to show a path
Escaping life lived in the grey
Is not that far from where you stay
Just hold on longer
It'll get better
I cannot promise easy living
Ups and downs will pass with time
The next line spit might seem ignorant
But the pursuit of happiness is just a fallacy
Let me explain
We are not here for a damn utopia
That's not the life that we've been given
It's apparent through the strife and pain
And happy days and solemn moments
The key to life
Is being content
Riding all the lows and appreciating happiness
Accepting that we're human
Forgiving those that hurt you
Love a little
Cry a little
But be happy you're alive
I've been struggling to live this out
But I know I'll be there someday
Maybe not today
Maybe not tomorrow
So right now I'll keep my sights set forward
Not looking back to be ashamed
I been working on myself
And all the things that bring me down
This was never what I had planned
But it's goodbye from me for now

Written by:
Jonathan Ustinenkov

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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