C. S. Phoenix - Punishing Myself, Again
When I went back to therapy, I had my standard intakeQuestions I had heard many times before
For some reason
I always want my therapist to think I'm doing better than I am
Even though I'm returning to therapy
Like I don't want them thinking that their efforts had been in vain
It wasn't looking great going into the self-harm question
I had already cried
Admitted to backsliding
Was not coping well with my false beliefs
And then the question
Do you ever intentionally injure yourself
I responded with a proud, beaming smile
I have not cut myself since February 18, 2005
This was an accomplishment I was truly proud of.
That's great! What about scratching, biting, or hitting yourself
I justified
I mean, sure, I have nervous ticks
I scratch the back of my thumbs when I'm anxious
And I've bitten myself here and there
Nothing major
Then I look down at my legs
Black and blue
It looked like someone had used my thighs for a punching bag
Then I remembered
Three days prior
When I had used my legs for a punching bag
I realized
I had been so focused on not picking up a blade or broken glass again
I had moved on
To only using myself
As a weapon against me
Written by:
Chandra Watson
Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid
Lyrics powered by Lyric Find
