BiGG MaTT - Cry to Myself, Pt. 2

This one's a little bit of a harder one for me
So just bear with me if you can

Ya know I heard this beat
Which is done by Mister
If you wanna check him out
He's a great producer
And it just hit
This music is how I've been feeling
And I guess I should get into producing
Cause I'm finding that I cannot find the words
At least not recently
They seem to have become
Nameless, faceless, label-less
And therefore
Somehow
Blameless
And if I can't put down what I'm feeling
That means I'm having an even harder time
Articulating it
Speaking it into and therefore out of existence
So I'm just stuck
I feel like in this wide open world
I'm constantly trapped in some
Invisible, emotional coffin
I'm crawling out of my skin
With every breath that I take
Where I can feel the nails stab into my sides
From breathing too deeply
So I can never take a full breath
I'm drowning in the shallows
They always said I could drown in a puddle
And I didn't believe any of them
Until this moment
When I'm face first in an inch of water
And I can't push myself up to breathe
So I'm just stuck in this
Perception of what my world was supposed to be
And where it actually is
I'm filled with envy
And jealousy
The same people my age are making it now
Cordae just dropped Super
And that shit was just insane
It was fantastic!
But he was born like a week after me
It's my groups' time
And I got left behind
And I shouldn't be surprised
Because it happened all the time
But I held out hope that someone might wait up for me
And they wouldn't leave me here
Trailing behind them all
Because of shit that was out of my control
And I'm not saying I've worked hard enough
I haven't always put my all in
But I don't think I should be left in the dust
Because my brain doesn't grow at the rate it's supposed to
And my emotions don't mature at the rate they're supposed to
Because everywhere I go
I'm just writhing in anxiety
Covered in emotional poison ivy
And people look at me
For what I'm told is because of a good outfit
Or because I look good
And my immediate assumption
Is that something must be wrong with me
There's something on me
Or stuck to me
When what's really been stuck to me
Are the claws of paranoia
That have pierced my skin
And woven themselves through
All 206 bones within my body
I can feel them in every joint and every tendon

I shouldn't have been left behind

Because the vines of the forest of fog
That clouds the mind of the mentally ill
Gripped me and buried me
To become nutrients within its soil
And finally, fucking FINALLY
I clawed and scratched my fucking way through the dirt and the mud
And the fucking carcasses of the forgotten
I dug through the stench of burned minds
Fried by society's inability to accept
That some of us don't operate the same way
All to come out and see myself
So far behind
And there seems to be some conspiracy in my head
That these mental illnesses give me the ability
To see a side of the world
No one else gets to
I get this unique perspective that isn't really shared by anybody else
Every mentally ill person is unique in that way
And I get to see and hear things others wouldn't
And I get this empathetical connection to anything
Like literally anything
I can feel the pain radiate from a fucking movie
I can't watch horror movies for that reason
And you can call me a bitch but I can't
It puts me in physical agony to see others being hurt in that way

But these twisted half assed benefits come with a price
And that's the suction of my fucking life

I remember getting suction
When I was like four years old
I was having an asthma attack as a kid
In the hospital
And it was to like clear out my passages
Cause my lungs were collapsing
And I couldn't breathe
And it kinda feels like that

I'm losing the will
To fight longer
Every step further
They call to me stronger
I'll never be able to catch up
And I'm starting to believe it
I just wish that someone would've waited up

I just wish that someone would've waited up

I JUST WISH THAT SOMEONE
WOULD'VE FUCKING WAITED UP

But the world doesn't stop moving
Just because I'm drowning
The world can't stop
With an outreached hand
But you could've
You can't pin the blame on just yourself
There's millions of others that could've too
But How could I ever expect
Someone to stop their movement With the pack
Someone with their own weight to carry
To Be willing to stop and carry mine
So y'all can keep going and I'll try my best to catch up
And when y'all make it
And you see me in pieces broken across the overgrown path
Don't worry

I'm just gonna sit and crumble
While I cry to myself

Written by:
Matthew Bellinger

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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