Cardboardi B & Odd Hal - The Grand Ole USPS 2.0

Hahahaha!
It's an Odd Hal Production
Eh heh heh
Here we go yo!
Here we go yo!
Here we go yo!
Okay
This here's a little tribute
To an entity I worship
God, you are amazing
I love how we ship
You treat a box right
And I respect you for this
Caress me in your loving arms
I love the USPS
Oh I love the grand ole USPS
From the Carriers to the mail sorters
The truck drivers hauling those orders
Oh I love the grand ole USPS
Dependable, reliable
Sustainable too
You bring a smile to my face to my face
Every time that we screw
Wait what?
So quiet, so serene
Man it truly is a dream
Except I don't dream of Jeannie
It's that moment when I see
The mail carrier walks up
To my front door
Put your mail in my slot
1 2 3 maybe more?
A package placed outside the door
It's not a surprise
I order things off Amazon
Just to see you guys
I think of you all as friends
Like we're Joey and Chandler
Except it's Cardboardi B
And his favorite mail handlers!
Jail Sandler the mail reads
His movies suck dick
His career's been over since
Halfway through Click
I even love the spam I get
I see you all, it makes me sweat
Walk up in those shorts
Making me wanting more
And I love it
Hey!
When you shove it
Ho!
In this mail's box, don't need no rubber on it
And I love it
Hey!
When you shove it
Ho!
In this mail's box, don't need no rubber on it
Oh I love the grand ole USPS
From the Carriers to the mail sorters
The truck drivers hauling those orders
Oh I love the grand ole USPS
I feast my eyes on those
Blue uniforms
Come on, give it to me
As I crouch behind the door
As I leap out to grab you
I see the fear in your soul
Don't worry, Mr. Postman
I only have one goal
I'm going to make you love me
Like I love you
Now here take a whiff
Does this smell like chloroform to you?
You come to in my basement where
You're tied to a chair
A pair of eyes in the shadows
Is all I am as I stare
Watch you wriggle and squirm
A worm worried about murder
Don't you worry big man
I'm not here to hurt you
But I am down to put my finger
In your ass if that's okay with you
No? Okay, well
What are ya gonna do?
I whack you with a wrench
Sock it to your eye socket
Have you changed your mind yet?
Here let's see what's in my pocket
It's anthrax baby!
Let's do a line together
Pour it up your nostrils
And reverse the weather
As the snowy white powder
Flies up my own nose
Pull my face out of the bag
As I grab the garden hose
Wrapped around my neck
Autoerotic asphyxiation
I start to black out
My mind takes a vacation
There's a burning sensation
Ears ringing vibrations
Don't know the implications
It's my final masturbation
Oh
Oh yeah!
Oh- oh shit!
Fuck
Oh shit, he's dead!
Yeah, no shit
Oh shit!
Yeah, no shit
What are we gonna do?
I don't fucking know man
Ah shit
Hello?
Who you calling for?
Hello?
Shut the fuck up you little fucking
Who's gonna pay us?
Nobody you fucking bitch

Written by:
Shawn McNamara

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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