carter mcnab - restroom doors

I like being a girl
But I would rather be boy
Not a boy who plays on the football team
But a boy who runs in skirts and twirls
I want short fluffy hair
That my girlfriend can run her fingers through
I want messy eyeliner
And maybe some dad jeans too
I like being feminine
But not in the way girls are
And I like being masculine
But not in the way boys are
I like feeling empowerment
And I like being me my truth
But how can I be true
When I don't even know what door in the restroom to go through
You see I don't think that i'm a boy
But not a girl either
I would rather have someone say sir
Than miss or just let me please her
They/them feels safe to me
But I miss having masculine and femininity
Gender is so confusing
It's like a table twisting and turning
Round and round
And I just want to eat my dinner
But I can't when the waiter doesn't know if they should call me miss or mister
I want long pretty hair
And to wear and suit and tie
I want short fluffy hair
And to wear skirts as colorful as the blue sky
I don't know what I am
Or what I want to go by
And when the PE teacher says girls on this side boys on this side
I just sit in the middle
Looking like a fool
I mean I don't know which one I am
Now i'm feeling eyes of the whole school
Just looking
Wondering where i'll go
Wondering why i'm not choosing my birth chromosome
It's not as easy as that
Identity and biological sex
One you cannot change
And one is flexible and bent
I wanna be forced to shave my face every single morning
I want someone to look at me and know that i'm gender non conforming
I wanna be able to go out without transforming
Into my true self is my identity annoying
She she she it's so much easier to me
I've been calling you your birth name since you were like three
But you're a girl this just doesn't make sense to me
It's just a phase you'll grow out of it guaranteed
Try to understand how annoying it would be
To wake up every day look in the mirror see the wrong identity
Imagine you woke up with a beard and saw you had a hard on
You would know that that isn't you that something was wrong
I've had to live that everyday of my life
Never feeling in place never feeling like a full girl or a guy
It's hard not being able to look how you want to appear
And societal standers make me feel like I shouldn't be here
Like I was a mistake like i'm some alien form
Like i'm not normal for not wanting to be what i was born
But I was born like this just got the bodies mixed up
There's a lot of choices when customizing your character and I kinda fucked up
Being a girl is okay but it's just not me
I mean sometimes I feel like i'm okay with she
Identity is hard i'm still trying to find myself
So let me check the box before you take the pen and check it yourself
I like being a girl
But I want to be a boy too
It's just so hard
When I can't even get up the courage to go through one door in the restroom

Written by:
Carter McNab

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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