Bostjan Zupancic: Micrometal - Emailing a Coworker Halfway Across the Globe

Dear soinso
How are you doing?
I am doing well
How was your holiday?
Mine was fine
How is the weather wherever you are?
It's cold here, brr
So, I know you are pretty busy
But have you had any time to start working on the thing I asked you about a few months ago?
Well, I know you said you were going to start it soon
So I would think there's a chance you should be done by now
Or maybe you got caught up with other things
Please let me know and update me with the timeline
Thanks
Bozu
Dear suchinsuch
I hope you are doing well
I hope your holiday was good
I hope the weather wherever you are is fine
Do you remember how I asked you for an update on that thing several weeks ago?
Well, I haven't heard back from you since I asked
And I was wondering if you might
Please take a moment out of your busy day to just quickly send me an email
Just to let me know you are still alive and are aware that I exist
Kind regards
Bozu
Dear dudeman
Hey
What is going on with you?
I'm missing my deadlines now, because you haven't kindly been thoughtful enough to
Drop me a line to let me know you were delayed
And that you were going to miss your deadlines and throw everything off for me
Please send me an update in the next twenty-four hours
And let me know how you are coming along
Talk to you later
BoZu
Dear muttonhead
What ever happened to you?
You started out promising me that you'd have things under control
And that you would keep me updated
I guess you are either embarrassed that you missed the mark so badly that we are now two months
Behind schedule or that you are ducking me, or that you just stopped caring
Send me an email back or better yet, call me back, immediately
And explain to me why you couldn't take ten seconds over the past three months
To type out four words to let me know you were running behind
Get back to me yesterday or else
Oh, and happy whatever holidays you celebrated recently
Bozu
Dear pal
Sorry about my last email
I am under a lot of stress
I hope you can still take care of that thing that I asked you to do for me
Please kindly take just a few seconds to just quickly just let me know
Just how briefly you are going to just duly just with however this very important just project is going
Hope everything is going great
I hope that the weather is really is nice for you
Cheers
Bozu
Dear Bozu
The weather here sucks, my holiday sucked, and my world is crashing in around me
How dare you demand stuff from me during such a troubled time
How dare you send me five emails in a row without giving me a chance to respond
Get lost, I'm not doing anything for you
See you in hell
Chowderhead
Dear angrydude
Carbon Copy Bigbossman
Whatever, dude, all I ever wanted was for you to stay in touch
Sincerely
Bozu

Written by:
Russell Hayes

Publisher:
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