4n the Human - Heavy

It's all up on my shoulders and it's getting heavy
When I was younger I thought when I'm older I'll be ready
But now I'm in my mid 20’s, barely can cook spaghetti
And I've been spending my money as if I'm paid and wealthy
Damn I've built up so much credit card debt
At this point paying it off seems really far fetched
And I wanna travel but I'm saddled on a fence
Should I stay up on my grind
Or spend some time before I'm dead?
Guess the one thing that I know is I can’t get the answers to it all
Like why can’t I be the man that she wanted all along?
And why can’t I be in charge of how they all take my songs?
And why the fuck did god go and give cancer to my mom?
But I slowly make my peace with it
Or maybe I'm just getting numb cuz I don’t feel different
Just less effected, less and less time spent on seeing pictures
But till our last second my sisters and I are grieving children
I hope I make them proud before I leave the building
I know I'm not the son my father had envisioned
I hope I make a child believe in what is in him
Like Mac did, a life ain't a life until you live it
I know when you make it the hatred surface with it
And I'm certain I'll get insecure with my first critic
I'm already hurt, these verses seem to make a difference
So I keep on working till every person has taken interest
It's gonna be heavy
When you see my demise
For now out the belly
Of the beast I arise
And how can you tell me
That you don’t see it like I do
Salvation at that mountain peak I climb to
It's gonna be heavy
When you see my demise
For now out the belly
Of the beast I arise
And how can you tell me
That you don’t see it like I do
Salvation at that mountain peak I climb to
Emotions always escalate a situation quick
I try to keep my cool and reconsider why I'm pissed
I've learned that most the time I'm just denying what it is
I'm guided by a mind that makes me wanna die
As other organs try to live
I'm horrible at sticking to my own advice
Let alone someone else’s on how to live my life
People always love to judge I've grown to find it fine
Cuz I just can’t help that they look down on me when trynna climb
Word to the wise if you ahead of me be humble
Show me your respect and nothing less for I have struggled
Even though I know I'm next I only flex when I rebuttal
Otherwise I keep the peace cuz there’s no need to start some trouble
This girl think its just a line when I said come and cuddle
Why’s it so hard to believe that I just love to snuggle
Straight up and subtle with my words I can’t control the implication
Cuz that’s a mix of what you heard and how you chose to take it
And that depends on norms that you were raised with
Some take offense to things that others find their way with
Some make the best of what they have while others live their lives complaining
Right now I'm doing both in an attempt to try to paint it
Cuz I've been residing in a state that I feel opaque in
Trynna find the faith that I eventually will make it
To a time that I am fine with all the times I wasn’t
Looking at my life I've had a dime a dozen
It's gonna be heavy
When you see my demise
For now out the belly
Of the beast I arise
And how can you tell me
That you don’t see it like I do
Salvation at that mountain peak I climb to
It's gonna be heavy
When you see my demise
For now out the belly
Of the beast I arise
And how can you tell me
That you don’t see it like I do
Salvation at that mountain peak I climb to
Salvation at that mountain peak I climb to
Salvation at that mountain peak I climb to
Salvation at that mountain peak I climb to

Written by:
Ahmad Ghoniem

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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