Bob Wire - I Don't Like Music

Here's a news flash, I don't care if you use it
My big headline is that I don't like music
I can't stand melody and I despise rhythm
So respect my truth and don't bother me with 'em

I listen to audio books when I'm out walkin'
I don't like radio unless they're just talkin'
Gimme NPR or an interesting podcast
I hate Top 40 and all of its bombast

Surely there's some kind of music you can listen to
Check your ears, son, I think you might be missin' two
I just got done sayin' how much I hate it
Doesn't matter what genre, all music's overrated

I'll bet I could find and appealing classical piece
Or I could fart into a microphone and call it my masterpiece
Maybe something mellow from a singer-songwriter?
I'd rather cut my hair with a cigarette lighter

Perhaps some heavy metal, help you deal with your anger?
Why don't you just beat me with a wire coat hanger?
How about some funk? James Brown was an innovator
If I want to get down I'll go find myself an escalator

How about trap? Now there's a beat that never fails
Trap music sounds like someone clipping their fingernails
They say country music's more popular than ever
You know when I'll be ready for that ? How about never

I don't want to hear you sing your school's fight song
I couldn't care less about your love gone wrong
I don't care if it jumps like a jack in the box
Beatles and Stones are just a bug and some rocks

People always asking me the same old thing
Why's it piss you off to hear somebody sing?
It's not just the human voice that makes me go mental
I also refuse to hear an instrumental

I bet some bluegrass will get you slapping your knees
It's the same damn song played in different keys
You can't listen to reggae without smilin'
Especially when a hurricane wipes out your island

You might like some jazz-some clarinet or a flute?
I'd rather jump out of a plane without a parachute
There's always classic rock from the eighties and seventies
I'd rather let a grizzly bear chew on my extremities

Would you listen to gospel?
It just makes me hostile
What about the Eagles?
Man, I hate the fuckin' Eagles
Will you try something new?
If it's music, I won't
How about a didgeridoo?
How about a didgeridon't?

So keep your Tom Petty, don't play that Billie Eilish
When it comes to music, you know what I wish?
That headphones and buds were a national requirement
And everybody wore 'em till I was deep in my retirement

I'd finally be able to enjoy some peace and quiet
Let my mind do some deep thinking-you ought to try it
You were born with a big fat brain, you ought to use it
But not for writing songs because I don't like music

Written by:
Ednor Therriault

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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