Jaquel Spivey, L Morgan Lee, John-Michael Lyles, James Jackson, Jr., Antwayn Hopper, Jason Veasey and John-Andrew Morrison - Tyler Perry Writes Real Life

I know it's been months since we last spoke
And I have no idea if this is of any interest to you
Or if you have any materials to send
But
We just got a call for submissions for something very exciting
Especially for you!
Oh yeah? What is it?

Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry
Oh no!
Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry

Hell no
It seems he's gotten so busy with film and TV
That his team is looking to farm out the gospel plays
To a ghost writer!
It'll be a scream!
And didn't you once tell me that your mother
Would love nothing more than for you to write one?
So how 'bout it, Ush?
Just write a sassy matriarch
A lonely spinster who loves God
Throw in a few "Color Purple" quotes
What do you say?

Thank you for the opportunity (of course! Of course)
But Tyler would be none too fond of me
(Now, don't sell yourself short)
The crap he puts on stage, film and TV
Makes my bile want to rise (I know, your integrity)
Nothing that he writes is real to me (yes, you think he sucks)
Just simple-minded hack buffoonery (but no white theaters will touch you)
And if I try to match his coonery
He'd see through my disguise
Just think about it!

It's true, I'm still emerging
Looking to make my start
But not so hungry that I'd ride the Chitlin' Circuit
I'm into entertainment
That's under "cover art"
My mission is to figure out just how to work it

Today
Today I plan to change this scene for the better

Hello?
Agent Fairweather? Somebody there?
Race traitor! (Race traitor!) Race traitor!
Race traitor? I'm not a race traitor! Who are you?
I'm Harriet Motherfucking Tubman, and I got a problem with you!
I'm Marcus Motherfucking Mosiah Garvey
And I got a problem with you too!
Jimmy Baldwin!
Zora Neale Hurston!
Twelve Years a Slave here
Whitney
What do you want with me?
To get you together!
Makin' me get my Black ass up out of my twenty-dollar grave
To put your Black ass on blast!
Talkin' bad about Tyler Perry!

Who the fuck is you, nigga?
You look it, but you ain't no true nigga
You make us ancestors blue
Acting brand new
Nigga, I can't with you

Tyler is a real nigga
And not a cracker-pleasing seal nigga
He writes how our people feel
With him at the wheel
Nigga, what can't we do?

'Cause Tyler Perry writes real life
Tyler Perry writes real life
He writes stories we can swallow like Popeyes chicken and biscuits
He writes stories we can follow
Like we follow the drinking gourd
He writes stories 'bout fat Black women with weaves
Finding love and redemption
With muscle-bound Black men who own their own business
And truly love the Lord
And truly love the Lord

So if you won't follow through, nigga
I'll SMDH at you, nigga
'Cause
I'm just a somebody (nigga, what?)
Trying to tell everybody (nigga, who?)
That you ain't nobody, nigga, so
Get off the stage

'Cause Tyler Perry writes real life
'Cause Tyler Perry writes
That nigga built a fucking table for us
'Cause of Tyler, we ain't sitting at the back of the bus
But you still out here chasing after all this
White people shit
When you're broke and got no money
Broke and got no money
Broke and got no money
Nigga, that's real life!

Written by:
Michael R. Jackson

Publisher:
Lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

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