Vazzy - Terry & Pop

My mom said
"Why you crying?
We need to toughen up, you need to stop that wining
I working double shifts, been working day and night
And you coming home, you got on every fucking light like
You paying bills up in this bitch the fuck you think I'm made of money?
It's like my cash is not as fast as these eviction notes that's coming
You always leave me out to dry when I'm the one that does the laundry
I'm the one that makes you dinner every night you come home hungry
How the fuck you think I feel? Cause I ain't feeling shit at all
How the fuck I'm supposed to feel when I been feeling so alone
All my birds have left my nest, I feel like everybody's gone
I feel like I have been forgotten, like this house is not our home
I been so damn depressed, and I been drinking all the wine
I been judged and I been hurt, but when you ask I say I'm fine
Cause I don't want my kids to know that every day I think of dying
I don't want my kids to grow up with that image of they mom
I don't want my kids to hold in their emotions every night
I just want my kids to know that everything will be alright
I just want my kids to cope and understand that it's a phase
I just want my kids to open up and know that it's okay
Why you think I always tell you to reach out to both ya siblings?
How the hell I'm supposed to know if they're alright and how they living?
They look up to you, you make it seem as if you cannot give em
Words of wisdom, fifteen minute calls Robert are you kidding?
Do you think I'm really tryna stay in this apartment?
How come when we talk it always seem to end up that we argue?
Why do you get so defensive when I talk about your father?
When you're home you aren't home I'm really tired of the nonsense
You lash out and yeah it makes me feel like you are still at war
With yourself and I don't like it cause I feel it in my soul
Yeah I feel it in my core and I don't know what else to do
It's like I haven't done enough, like I ain't did enough for you
Every day that passes by I pray that tears don't leave your eyes
Every tear feels like a bullet in my motherfucking spine
I been shot at, almost died you think that shit doesn't haunt me?
I don't say that shit to brag I say that shit because it's haunting
I still feel like I'm the reason that my children have been sad
Being a mother didn't come no instructions, where's your dad?
Where's the bottle? I know all my limitations where's my glass?
Pour me up another cup, I sit in silence and I laugh
Cause if I don't then I'm a cry, baby
I do not wanna be alive lately
Sleep deprivation is a bitch
I haven't slept yet all my kids just look at me and think that I'm crazy?!
That's shits insulting
I'm the reason why you're breathing
I'm the reason that your walking
I'm the reason people come to me and tell me y'all are awesome.
I'm the one who did it all, and I ain't ask for no applause
So why the fuck it seems that every day that pass is getting harder?
I can't breathe
I can barely fucking cope
This shits a fucking nightmare
Look at my heart you see it broke
It ain't no joke, I try my best for all my kids they are my life
They are the reason why I dealt with all this bullshit and I fight
They're the reason why I'm trying to be better every day
Because I need to set examples that were never set for me
I just hope you know I love you more than I have loved myself
I get embarrassed as a parent when I ask my kids for help
But I been drowning hopefully you can lend a hand to me
Because my hands are fucking tied I need my fucking family
I love my fucking family"
My sister cried to me and told me that she feels alone
My mother cried and told me she just wishes I was home
The pain I feel when looking at the tears fall down their cheeks
All because I'm not around and cause we barely ever speak
I wonder if they know I'm barely getting any sleep
I'm depressed, I'm a mess and my mind conquers me
I wonder if they know that I been tryna find my way
Down this path of self destruction I don't think that I can save
My entire personality, ashamed of who I am
How I hurt the ones who love me, and I never give a damn
Bout the destruction that I cause because I'm selfish, I admit
I wish my life was different, I wish I was still a kid
No responsibilities, and not a worry in the world
Not infatuated with the thoughts of money, weed, and girls
Not distracted by the pressures that I'm faced with every day
Not influenced by the homies who decided to be snakes
Not obsessed with making money cause my payments have been late
And not depressed because my dad just punched my mother in the face
I wish that I could scream, but I been covering my mouth
I wish this was a dream, and I would wake up in my house
But decisions have been made, and it is clear enough to say
That I am different and I don't think I will ever be the same
So apologizes are given to the victims of my rage
Cause I have so self control and it's my dad who is to blame
So fuck you for all the bullshit that you put my mother through
For all the pain that you inflicted on my brother too
The fact you try to be the good guy to your little girl
When my sister is facing problems that shouldn't be for her
I remember when you broke my mothers nose, I cleaned the blood
I remember when you tried to shoot her as she tried to run
I remember when you stabbed her and you pinned me to the fridge
With a knife in my face saying "I don't want to live"
I remember when you made my mother walk home in the cold
I remember when you'd say I'd understand when I got old
But now I'm older and I really do not have a fucking clue
Not a smidge of understanding for the shit you put us through
How could someone say they love you then set fire to your home?
How could someone say they love you then they never hit you in your phone?
How could someone say they care
When they're the reason that you're where you never wanna be
And now you're sitting awkwardly alone?
My sister cried and told me that she feels alone
My mother cried and told me she just wishes I was home
I cried and told myself that I just need to be more strong
But I've been feeling weak
Holy shit I'm feeling weak
And I been falling deep into a darkness, I can't see
Where I am headed, I'm beheaded
Think this life ain't meant for me
Promise if you hear this you won't look at me no different
And my stomach's growling and the feeling of emptiness is vicious
Staring in the mirror, hoping my reflection listens
But my head's now under water and I'm on the verge of sinking
I'm fucked up
Damn
I'm fucked up
My sister cried to me and told me that she feels alone
My mother cried and told me she just wishes I was home
The pain I feel when looking at the tears fall down their cheeks
All because I'm not around and cause we barely ever speak

Written by:
Robert Vazquez

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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