ColdmaN5 - There Wasn't a Dry Eye in the Place Except for Russell Crowe's Telescopic Sunglasses

Oscar night, 2005
A day that will go down in history

It was Oscar night, and I
Had front row seats
Unfortunately for me I had
To sit next to Russell Crowe

Russell began telling me a story
About how alien beings standing
Two inches tall have been following
Him for the past week
I said he was crazy and not a good actor
So stop talking to me
Then he got serious and asked if I
Wanted to know what the aliens wanted

Giving in, with the hope that he would
Shut up afterwards, I agreed to listen to
His story; he said the aliens wanted to
Dry out the human races eyes so it would
Be hard to blink
It was possibly the
dumbest thing I had ever heard
But he continued to tell me that
Corey Feldman was having similar
Experiences and had unearthed a pair of
Telescopic sunglasses, which would
Protect the eyes of the humans

I said that's enough Mr. Crowe
Corey Feldman
Now this story is getting out of hand
Look out Crowe yelled as he pushed me over
And covered me with his blue leisure suit
Alien laser beams began penetrating the
Audiences eyes and drying them out at
An incredibly fast rate

Russell pulled out his telescopic sunglasses
And put them on
It's time to play aliens
He said as spiral lasers shot from his lenses
And blew a hole in the wall.
I couldn't believe my moist eyes as I looked
Up into the rafters and saw Corey Feldman
Setting a pair of the telescopic sunglasses on
The bridge of his nose
He proceeded to swing down on a mysterious vine
Emptying his Glock 47 into the inch tall aliens

It was only moments later when I turned
To see David Spade and Mel Gibson
Wearing the sunglasses
Gibson, who was dressed as Jesus Christ
Cuffed his hands over his mouth and yelled
Feldman what are you doing at the Oscars
I was wondering the same exact thing
But before Corey could answer
His stomach was blown out by one of the aliens
Jesus Gibson yelled
David Spade tightened his sunglasses
And pulled out a water pistol
We are going to drown these mutoids he said
Give up the lame jokes I yelled at him
As an alien took off his head

To make a long story short
Feldman, Spade and Gibson were all killed
And I had a newfound respect for Russell Crowe
As he won a free trip to Hawaii, after saving
Us from the eye drying beasts
Rest in peace Corey Feldman, David Spade and Mel Gibson
PS Russell Crowe did not win any Oscars

Written by:
Scott Donnelly

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

Lyrics powered by Lyric Find