TestTubeBaby - Three Men

In that converted barn
Where you used to live
In the Topanga Canyon
Where we read Rimbaud
And Baudelaire
And I introduced you to
Morrissey's songwriting
Where I kept saying
That I wanted to be free
And where you doubted
That I'd ever be
At least not in the way
I seemed to want it

I house... or barn-sat
For you once
And the silence was
Too silent for me to bear
Listening
To my blood pumping
In my ears
So I left
Drunk driving
As always
Down the canyon
To that guy's apartment
Where I'd knock on the door
And if there was no answer
I'd leave some kind of remnant
Unmistakably mine
And he'd call and leave a message
On the tape of my message machine
I see you've been here
Sorry I missed you

He wouldn't make me say anything
Or answer any impossible questions
Like, How are you?
Or What have you been doing?
He'd just welcome me
Into his bed
Curl me up into a little naked ball
And hold me
Until he came
Then he'd hold me some more
Until I feared he would
Break the silence
And that fear
Would get me dressed
And make me mumble to him
Until I was free
But not

Just like you said
I wouldn't be

And when I visited you
At your office
At the community college
And told you
I'd cut down on my smoking
You told me
No problem
Because you'd
Taken up my slack

Back then when we could smoke
Indoors
So we sat there smoking
In your office
Talking about our smoking
You coughing
And holding your cane
And tucking an errant wisp
Of your thinning mane
Behind your ear

I don't remember your face
But I have scans
Of the poems you gave me
Signed and numbered
Twenty-seven out of a hundred
Eighty-nine out of two-hundred fifty

You never made a move on me
Though I always wondered if you would
And when I told you about
That other ex-professor of mine
You said that it sounded
Like I might have to fuck him
Or forget him

I couldn't do either
He was rich
And the father of a friend from high school
And he always gave me wine
And books
Foucault
Derrida
Sartre
I started making sure
I always borrowed not just one
But a whole stack of books
As I stumbled away
So when I returned
My arms were full
And he couldn't
Embrace me
For what I always wanted to be
The last time

Written by:
Brian Gross

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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