DJ Cul de Sac - War on Hugs

Yo, I'm talking about a first time intro
I ain't met him before, he ain't my bro
So you tell me what's the social etiquette
Hard to know your vibe when we've just met
Do I go for handshake, or a fist bump
Little wink and a smile or a bump of the rump
Single, double, or an air kiss
Don't play a player, I meant to miss
Oh my God girls gone continental
A smooch on both cheeks, this is mental
Yeah my bloods miss, vibed a double kiss
Oi hold up hun don't take the piss
For me that's way too over familiar
My mates looking on as I kissed her
I said hold up love, just back away
I don't want a sixty six percent
Man heavy three way
And what's the problem with this bloke
His hand maneuvers be bare bespoke
I'm telling you now, this ain't no picnic
his hand combinations are way too sick
All I want is symbiotic hand synergy
Yo dog you trying to make a mug of me
I don't want to have to do a greeting rehearsal
Just shake my hand mate, it's universal
Yeah he's my pal, he's my chum
Doesn't mean I want an intro pat on the bum
And if your over in France, man kisses a man
Je ne comprends pas, this wack plan
I wish around the world we were all the same
But we ain't, so back off, I'm not game
This guy's gone for a respectful bow
That ain't the vibe, take it easy now
Stay germ free with a salute or a wave
No hand clasp for me, I ain't gonna cave
What if there are 12 of us in a room
Ain't got the time to give y'all a fisty boom
Dis dam dudes gone for a high five
But left me hanging on the flip side
I said listen up prankster
Don't mess with a gangster
If I had my blade, I may have just shanked ya
This is my last verse and it's gonna be terse
My final thoughts on why I'm greeting adverse
If I'm at a soiree, what precedes a parley
Don't want no hand snub, at my book club
What's the greeting upkeep, with my chimney sweep
Don't want no drama, with my organic farmer
Want greetings all carefree, at the cat sanctuary
Got to respect the vocation of my legal representation
Don't want no farce, acknowledging the working class
What's a meet compromiser, with man's financial adviser
Don't want no row, when I finally meet my pen pal
What's the inauguration nirvana
When your mid gymkhana
Bra what's the gist, with my aromatherapist
What's a guy to do, with his badminton crew
Can't take no risks, with my proctologist
Don't want hands in array, with my sommelier
So I've listed them out, every situation
The reasons behind this social constipation
I'm continually searching for the raison d'etre
To make sense of all this greeting conjecture
So come on, who's in charge, just make a decision
Man can't take no more, of this handshake derision
This greeting malarkey, it ain't good for the soul
To abbreviate, OMG no LOL
So I'm begging you Boi
For I haven't a clue
What should we do when we greet
On our meeting debut
Question

Written by:
DJ de Sac

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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