John Paro - What Should I Wipe With?

I just took a Quarantine Dump, it was one of the highlights of my day
Gotta say, that I used too much toilet paper
Now I don't know what I'm gonna do next and
Uh-oh, second poop faster than expected
I am quickly running out of options
I could used a stuffed animal, a CVS receipt or
Maybe just take a page from dog's book
And drag myself around on the carpet floor
What should I wipe my ass with
What should I wipe my ass with
I don't even know
I guess anything goes
What should I wipe my ass with
What should I wipe my ass with
I don't even know
I guess anything goes
I just spent an hour and a half in a mask outside CostCo in the rain
But I gained not a single roll of Charmin
So I realized I'll have to use some other stuff
And I see some Kirkland brand flannel shirts - seem soft enough
Why did I ignore that weird friend of mine who'd say every day that I needed a bidet
So if you need me, I'll be at home - feeling super awesome
Debating do I wash these shirts or do I toss them
What should I wipe my ass with
What should I wipe my ass with
I don't even know
I guess anything goes
What should I wipe my ass with
What should I wipe my ass with
I don't even know
I guess anything goes
Oooh, Lah, I'll use this stationary
Oooh, Lah, I'll use my wife's socks
Oooh, Lah, I'll use this deli meat
Oooh, Lah, I'll use some lego blocks
Oooh, Lah, I won't use the Vitamix
Oooh, Lah, I won't use our dog
Oooh, Lah, I can just wear diapers
Oooh, Lah, I shouldn't publish this song
What should I wipe my ass with
What should I wipe my ass with
I don't even know
I guess anything goes
What should I wipe my ass with
What should I wipe my ass with
I don't even know
I guess anything goes
I found a box of my daughters wipes and
I gotta say, it was magical
I hope this song about wiping makes my parents proud

Written by:
John Paro

Publisher:
Lyrics © O/B/O DistroKid

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