Ivor Biggun - Where Did the Lead in My Pencil Go?

Where did the lead in my pencil go?
Who stole the plonker from my banjo?
Tell me please 'cos I really gotta know
Who broke the string on my yo-yo?

I was a real humdinger when i was young
Women buzzing 'round me like flies 'round dung
I had a black bomber jacket and a gold medallion
Henry Cooper aftershave and balls like a stallion
But now I'm past my prime
He's a bugger is Old Man Time

I can't shift my gears like I did before
The tiger in me tank won't even roar
And I can't push me pedal right down to the floor
And the goddam piston won't pump no more

Who got me muscles and turned them into jelly?
Took 'em off me arms and wrapped 'em 'round me belly
Who took the slider from me old trombone?
Who bent the needle on me gramophone?

Who broke the bone that the doctor can't mend?
Who took the credit from me flexible friend?
Who took the wind out of my balloon?
Who took me cucumber and left me with a prune
I'll make a most vulgar sign
If I ever meet Old Man Time

I can't shift my gears like I did before
The tiger in me tank won't even roar
And I can't push me pedal right down to the floor
And the goddam piston won't pump no more

My rhubarb was rigid, it thrusted through the custard
But my rhubarb's crumbled and I'm ffff flippin' disgusted
I'm a creaking squeaking, leaking antique
My spirit's willing but my flesh is weak

But when I die and they lay me out
With flowers and weeping women all about
Some of those women might point and grin
And say "Look rigor mortis is setting in
To waste it would be a crime
He's a bugger is Old Man Time"

My mother said that to keep good health
I never, never should abuse myself
And if I had a W. a enn kay
I'd shorten my life by one whole day
Well actually if that were true
I should have died in nineteen fifty two
So really I'm doing fine
And bugger you Old Man Time

Written by:
IVOR BIGGUN

Publisher:
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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